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Male head with brain activity - Brain waves

Most people try to change their lives from the outside in.They focus on doing more. Fixing more. Pushing harder. Trying to “get it right.”But real change doesn’t start with your actions. It starts much earlier than that.It starts with your thoughts.There’s a simple truth that explains why so many people feel stuck in the same patterns, even when they’re trying their best:As I think, so I feel. As I feel, so I do. As I do, so I have.Let’s slow this down.<figure id="figure-p07bulxk85mkvh5qbo"><iframe id="p07bulxk85mkvh5qbo" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sv5X_X0xIyc" class="w-full bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://youtube.com/shorts/sv5X_X0xIyc?si=uOYkDH2-gPvYqAFk" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sv5X_X0xIyc" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure><h3>Thoughts Create Feelings </h3>Every feeling you experience begins as a thought.Not always a loud, obvious one—but a quiet, automatic narrative running in the background.“I’m behind.” “This always happens to me.” “I should be further along.” “They’re probably judging me.” “What’s the point?”When you think those thoughts, your nervous system responds as if they’re true. Your body doesn’t wait for evidence. It reacts immediately.Tight chest. Shallow breath. Low energy. Anxiety. Shutdown.That’s how thinking turns into feeling.<h3>Feelings Drive Behavior</h3>Now here’s where it gets sneaky.We like to believe our actions are logical and intentional. But most of the time, they’re emotional.When you feel discouraged, you procrastinate. When you feel overwhelmed, you avoid. When you feel unworthy, you shrink. When you feel anxious, you scroll, numb, or overexplain.You don’t act from who you want to be. You act from how you feel in the moment.<h3>Behavior Creates Results</h3>Over time, those small, emotionally driven behaviors stack.Avoiding the thing that matters. Not speaking up. Not following through. Settling. Repeating the same dynamics.And eventually, you look around and think, “How did I end up here?”Not realizing it didn’t start with a bad decision. It started with an unchecked thought.<h3>This Is the Good News </h3>If your thoughts shape your feelings, and your feelings shape your actions, then changing your life doesn’t require becoming a different person.It requires becoming more aware.Not positive thinking. Not pretending everything is fine. Not bypassing reality.Awareness.Because you cannot change what you don’t notice.<h3>Your One-Day Practice</h3>For one full day, don’t try to fix your thoughts.Just observe them.That’s it.When a negative or limiting thought comes up, notice it and write it down. No judgment. No correcting. No reframing.Just track:What was the thought? What was happening when it showed up? How did it make you feel? You might be surprised how often the same themes repeat.This isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about collecting data.And in a future post, I’ll show you exactly what to do with that data—and how to start changing the pattern without forcing yourself to “be better.”<h3>Want to Go Deeper Now?﻿</h3>This is the work I do.Helping people slow down their inner world, understand their thought patterns, regulate their nervous systems, and create real change from the inside out.If you’re ready to go further into this now instead of waiting, let's talk!&nbsp;We’ll start exactly where you are.It’s all unfolding perfectly—even this moment of awareness.<h3><a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">LEARN MORE ABOUT WORKING WITH ME!</a> &nbsp;</h3> &nbsp;

As I Think, So I Feel. As I Feel, So I Do. As I Do, So I Have.

Sad woman lying on sofa with dog, using smart phone wait for boyfriend call or text, feels depressed

Winter has a rhythm that hustle culture doesn’t respect.Everything around us says push, optimize, get ahead. New year, new goals, new pressure. Meanwhile, our bodies are quietly asking for slower mornings, fewer decisions, and a little more space to breathe.That disconnect is where so many people start the year feeling behind.But slowness in winter isn’t a personal flaw. It’s biology.<figure id="figure-i9s7k75b6mkpvvtz2"><img id="i9s7k75b6mkpvvtz2" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/10lr7Rx63ZjYM0YVbyRnYdZ7V1pr8lytZB39ygxBBuZ8KkPTQIygHzdHwP5tZWnX.jpg" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 50% 20%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionX="50%" data-positionY="20%" data-fullWidth="false"/></figure><h3>Why Slowing Down Actually Makes You Stronger</h3>When we slow down, we give the vagus nerve—the main communication pathway between the brain and body—a chance to regulate. That regulation matters more than most people realize.A regulated nervous system improves:<ul><li>Decision-making – choices come from clarity instead of urgency</li><li>Confidence – it feels embodied, not performative</li><li>Financial stability – spending and committing become intentional instead of reactive</li></ul>A dysregulated nervous system does the opposite. It rushes decisions just to relieve discomfort. It confuses urgency with importance. It says yes when it means no and commits to things that don’t actually align—because slowing down feels unsafe.Regulation changes everything.A regulated system pauses. It prioritizes. It chooses from clarity instead of pressure.<h3>Rest Is Not the Absence of Growth</h3>One of the biggest myths we’ve been sold is that rest is something you earn after you’ve pushed hard enough. In reality, rest is what allows growth to integrate.Winter slowness gives your system time to absorb lessons from the year behind you. It’s where discernment sharpens. It’s where confidence stops being something you project and starts being something you trust. It’s where financial decisions come from stability instead of scarcity.This season isn’t asking you to do more. It’s asking you to listen better.<h3>How to Honor Winter Without Falling Into Hustle Guilt</h3>A few simple ways to work with this season instead of against it:<ul><li>Build more white space into your days</li><li>Delay big decisions until your body feels settled</li><li>Choose consistency over intensity</li><li>Let rest be part of your strategy, not a reward</li></ul>This isn’t about giving up momentum. It’s about creating the kind of momentum that doesn’t burn you out six weeks into the year.<h3>Where Coaching Comes In</h3>If you understand all of this intellectually but still struggle to live it, you’re not failing—you’re just trying to regulate without support.This is exactly the work I do in coaching. Together, we slow the system down, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild confidence and clarity from the inside out so your choices—relationships, work, money—start coming from a steadier place.I’m offering <a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/newyear" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/newyear">January coaching session</a>s focused on regulation, grounded momentum, and helping your next steps actually feel safe in your body. Details are shared below if you want to explore working together.Winter isn’t here to stop you. It’s here to steady you.It’s all unfolding perfectly.<h3><a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/newyear" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/newyear">LEARN MORE ABOUT COACHING HERE!</a></h3>

Winter Slowness vs. Hustle Culture

Multiple exposure image with sunrise and sea inside woman silhouette. Psychology concept

The world feels loud right now.Not just busy — loud. Emotionally charged. Polarized. Constantly asking for your attention, your reaction, your outrage, your certainty. And if you care deeply, if you’re thoughtful, sensitive, or tuned in, it can feel impossible to stay calm without feeling like you’re disengaging or betraying your values.A lot of people are walking around with the same quiet fear:If I calm down, does that mean I don’t care? If I stop reacting, am I avoiding reality?The answer is no. And the fact that this question exists at all tells us something important about the moment we’re living in.<figure id="figure-wpyzulrqew9mkh8fha7"><img id="wpyzulrqew9mkh8fha7" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/f9gfnLRJMVCNPJCMPuzZyr9DGV1TriSCO1P3zwOq26Wb56Moy7TBrTr4rn5sPdbP.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 100% 50%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="100%" data-positiony="50%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/f9gfnLRJMVCNPJCMPuzZyr9DGV1TriSCO1P3zwOq26Wb56Moy7TBrTr4rn5sPdbP.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 100% 50%;"></figure><h3><a data-mce-href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-stories-we-tell/id1493972038?i=1000745047985" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-stories-we-tell/id1493972038?i=1000745047985">LISTEN HERE!</a></h3><h3>Calm has been misunderstood</h3>Somewhere along the way, calm got confused with apathy.As if being regulated means being passive. As if staying grounded means you’ve checked out. As if outrage is the only acceptable proof that you care.But outrage is not the same thing as impact.A constantly activated nervous system doesn’t make you more informed, more moral, or more effective. It just makes you exhausted. And exhaustion doesn’t lead to clarity — it leads to reactivity, collapse, or numbness.Calm isn’t compliance. Calm is capacity.<h3>Your nervous system is being recruited</h3>Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real, immediate threat and a headline delivered with urgency.When you scroll, watch, listen, or absorb emotionally charged content, your body reacts first. Heart rate changes. Muscles tighten. Breath shortens. Stress hormones rise. And if that happens over and over throughout the day, your system starts living in a low-grade fight-or-flight state.This is why you can feel angry, anxious, or overwhelmed without being able to point to anything happening right here, right now.Your body is responding to a world that feels constantly on fire.And it’s not accidental. Attention is monetized. Outrage spreads faster than nuance. Fear keeps people engaged longer than context. Calm doesn’t drive clicks — activation does.That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.<h3>Borrowed stress is still stress</h3>There’s a quiet belief that carrying the weight of everything happening makes you more responsible, more compassionate, more awake.But borrowed stress is still stress.Holding everyone’s fear, rage, and despair in your body doesn’t make you more ethical — it just overloads your system. And when your system is overloaded, your ability to think clearly, speak thoughtfully, and choose meaningful action shrinks.You’re allowed to care and have boundaries around how much you absorb.That’s not avoidance. That’s stewardship.<h3>The stories we tell about engagement</h3>A lot of what keeps us dysregulated are the stories we tell ourselves:<ul><li>If I don’t stay upset, I’m not paying attention.</li><li>If I stop watching, something bad will happen.</li><li>If I calm down, I’m letting people off the hook.</li><li>If I’m not constantly informed, I’m irresponsible.</li></ul>These stories feel convincing — especially in emotionally charged times — but they’re not always true.Often, they’re survival narratives. Attempts to create control in an uncontrollable environment. Ways of proving we belong, that we care, that we’re on the “right side.”But presence doesn’t come from staying activated. It comes from staying aware.<h3>Calm creates discernment</h3>When your nervous system is regulated, a few important things happen:<ul><li>You can tell the difference between urgency and importance.</li><li>You can listen without immediately defending or attacking.</li><li>You can choose how to engage instead of being pulled into reaction.</li><li>You can act from values instead of impulse.</li></ul>This is where real accountability lives — not in constant emotional intensity, but in conscious choice.Calm gives you the ability to respond instead of react.<h3>Staying calm without looking away</h3>This doesn’t mean deleting the world, ignoring injustice, or pretending everything is fine.It means:<ul><li>Choosing when you engage instead of being grabbed all day long.</li><li>Letting your body settle before forming opinions or taking action.</li><li>Consuming information intentionally, not compulsively.</li><li>Coming back to the present moment — your breath, your body, your environment — as an anchor.</li></ul>It means understanding that regulation is not disengagement. It’s the foundation that makes meaningful engagement possible.&nbsp;<h3>A gentler way forward</h3>You don’t need to be perfectly calm. You’re human. You will still get activated sometimes. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s recovery.How quickly can you come back to center? How willing are you to notice when your system is overloaded? How much compassion can you offer yourself while still staying awake?Staying calm in a chaotic world isn’t passive. It’s an act of courage.It’s choosing to stay human when everything around you is trying to hijack your nervous system.And that choice matters — more than we’ve been taught to believe. &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;<h3> &nbsp;</h3>

Staying Calm Without Looking Away

Cold plunging has had a moment. Depending on where you land online, it’s either framed as a hardcore discipline test or a trendy wellness flex.But here’s what most of those takes miss:Cold plunging isn’t about toughness. It’s about regulation.And when you understand what it actually does to the nervous system, it stops being extreme and starts being practical.<figure id="figure-ln1yejn5amkfqmbqo"><iframe id="ln1yejn5amkfqmbqo" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5-Hf2UZgcB4" class="w-full bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://youtube.com/shorts/5-Hf2UZgcB4?si=FjD5eqT9MBpkyyNx" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5-Hf2UZgcB4" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure><h3>My first cold plunge (and why it mattered)</h3>I had my first real cold plunge experience recently at <a data-mce-href="https://arcticbathandcoffee.com/" href="https://arcticbathandcoffee.com/">Arctic Bath &amp; Coffee</a> in St. Petersburg, with my friend Taylor.I won’t pretend I was calm walking in. Cold exposure has a way of triggering every instinct in your body that says abort mission.But that’s also the point.After the plunge, they wrapped us in warm robes and handed us genuinely delicious coffee. That contrast — cold to warmth, stress to safety — is where the magic actually happens for your nervous system.<h3>What cold plunging actually does to your nervous system </h3>Your nervous system has one primary job: keep you alive.When you enter cold water, your body briefly activates a stress response. Heart rate increases. Breathing gets shallow. Your system says, Something intense is happening.But here’s the key difference between cold plunging and everyday stress:You choose it. You stay present. And you exit safely.That sequence teaches your nervous system something powerful:I can experience intensity and return to calm. Over time, this rewires how your body responds to stress in daily life.<h3>The real benefits (beyond the hype)</h3>1. Faster regulation after stress Cold exposure helps your nervous system practice downshifting. You feel the stress, then feel the release — which makes it easier to come back to baseline outside the plunge.2. Improved vagal tone Cold stimulation supports the vagus nerve, which plays a major role in calming the body, regulating emotions, and supporting digestion and immunity.3. Less anxiety, more presence You cannot mentally spiral in cold water. The body demands presence. That alone interrupts anxious loops and overthinking.4. Increased resilience — without burnout This isn’t about pushing harder. It’s about expanding your window of tolerance so everyday stressors don’t knock you sideways.5. A felt sense of safety after intensity That post-plunge warmth — the robe, the coffee, the calm — matters. Your nervous system learns that stress doesn’t last forever.<h3>Why the after matters as much as the plunge</h3>One thing I appreciated about <a data-mce-href="https://www.instagram.com/arcticbathandcoffee/" href="https://www.instagram.com/arcticbathandcoffee/">Arctic Bath &amp; Coffee</a> was how intentional the experience felt.The plunge wasn’t the whole story. The recovery was part of the regulation.Warmth, comfort, and grounding afterward help your body fully integrate the experience. Without that, cold plunging can become another way people override their systems instead of supporting them.This is an important distinction: Cold exposure should train safety, not glorify suffering.<figure id="figure-6yfu819o86mkfquskj"><img id="6yfu819o86mkfquskj" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35Z3AHyBcE3kFHlN0uMiUJEf70tJckDkTPZJiNwdFswz3yZi6UDc9bOGGoYsn4b4.png" alt="" title="" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="undefined" data-positiony="undefined" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/35Z3AHyBcE3kFHlN0uMiUJEf70tJckDkTPZJiNwdFswz3yZi6UDc9bOGGoYsn4b4.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: center center;"></figure><h3>Cold plunging isn’t for everyone — and that’s okay</h3>This isn’t a prescription.If your nervous system is already highly activated or you’re in a season of deep burnout, cold plunging may not be the right entry point. Regulation is about meeting your body where it is — not forcing it into someone else’s routine.Sometimes the work looks like breath, rest, warmth, or slowing down first.Cold plunging is just one tool. A powerful one — when used intentionally.<h3>The bigger takeaway</h3>What cold plunging really offers isn’t discipline or bragging rights.It offers proof.Proof that you can experience intensity without panic. Proof that your body knows how to come back to calm. Proof that regulation isn’t a mindset — it’s a felt experience.That first plunge reminded me of something I teach all the time: You don’t think your way into safety. You show your nervous system — over and over — that it’s safe to be here.And sometimes that lesson comes with cold water, a warm robe, and really good coffee.It’s all unfolding perfectly.If you want support regulating your nervous system, breaking old stress patterns, and learning how to come back to calm in real life — this is the work I do, and I’d love to work together.<h2><a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/">CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE!</a> &nbsp;</h2> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;

Cold Plunging Isn’t Hardcore — It’s Nervous System Training

Let’s stop pretending.If you keep ending up in the same painful dynamics — different person, same emotional hangover — it’s not bad luck.It’s not that you “just pick the wrong people.”And it’s definitely not because you love too much.You’re addicted to toxicity.Not because you’re weak. Because your nervous system learned early on that chaos equals connection.That’s the part no one wants to say out loud.<figure id="figure-8rbi6ka36qmkfqafw2"><iframe id="8rbi6ka36qmkfqafw2" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eg6DGyN4kvg" class="w-full bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://youtube.com/shorts/eg6DGyN4kvg?si=TDeq1qPOoWavbiOE" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eg6DGyN4kvg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure><h3 id="figure-5ttudyftbmkfq9451">Toxicity doesn’t always feel toxic</h3>Here’s why this mess is so confusing: toxic dynamics don’t show up wearing red flags and warning labels.They show up as:<ul><li>insane chemistry</li><li>emotional intensity</li><li>“I’ve never felt this before” energy</li><li>the push-pull that keeps you checking your phone like a lab rat hitting a lever</li></ul>And yeah — it can feel amazing.Your body lights up. Your thoughts obsess. Your nervous system mistakes activation for attraction.That’s not romance. That’s conditioning.<figure id="figure-twq5rp0elcmkeekj9k"><img id="twq5rp0elcmkeekj9k" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37rdzLcvD922NdH2zzzeR6YiGfXpB2dwEfIti2wRjL6NCpQESh902ckUW54Q3CPZ.png" alt="Two worried interracial friends checking phone" title="Two worried interracial friends checking phone" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 0% undefined%;" data-corners="default" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="0%" data-positiony="undefined%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/37rdzLcvD922NdH2zzzeR6YiGfXpB2dwEfIti2wRjL6NCpQESh902ckUW54Q3CPZ.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 0% undefined%;"></figure><h3><a data-mce-href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zBeiY7TKLXjBeCkCJGYCd?si=XmsvG_z3RsiJ0QjFgmLZRQ" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zBeiY7TKLXjBeCkCJGYCd?si=XmsvG_z3RsiJ0QjFgmLZRQ" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">LISTEN HERE!</a></h3><h3>You’re not chasing people — you’re chasing familiarity</h3>Your brain doesn’t care about healthy relationships. It cares about known ones.If you grew up around emotional inconsistency, unpredictability, or love that had to be earned, your system learned:This is what connection feels like.So when someone mirrors that same emotional frequency later in life, your body recognizes them before your logic does.Not because they’re special. Because they’re familiar.And familiar feels safe — even when it hurts.<h3>The real addiction: emotional intensity</h3>Let’s get real uncomfortable for a second.Some of us aren’t addicted to people. We’re addicted to emotional spikes.The high of being chosen. The crash of being ignored. The adrenaline of waiting, hoping, decoding.It creates a chemical loop: hope → anxiety → relief → withdrawal → repeat.That cycle can feel like passion — but it’s closer to a stress response than love.And until you heal the part of you that confuses intensity with intimacy, calm will feel boring… and healthy will feel wrong.<h3>Romanticizing toxicity is self-betrayal</h3>Here’s the line most people don’t want to cross:At some point, continuing to choose toxicity stops being unconscious and starts being self-abandonment.Because you do notice the red flags. You do feel your body tighten. You do know when you’re shrinking, chasing, or performing.But the pull is familiar — and familiarity is seductive.So we rationalize: “They’re just avoidant.” “They’re working on themselves.” “It’s complicated.” “I just need to be more patient.”No. You’re just replaying an old wound and calling it love.<h3>Why healthy relationships feel dull (at first)</h3>No one tells you this part.When you start healing, calm can feel terrifying.Consistency feels suspicious. Emotional availability feels unfamiliar. Not having to chase feels anticlimactic.Your nervous system isn’t broken — it’s detoxing.And like any detox, the absence of the drug can feel worse before it feels better.But boring isn’t the opposite of passion. Dysregulated is.<h3>The truth that changes everything</h3>You don’t stop choosing toxic dynamics by trying harder or “loving better.”You stop when you finally ask:Why does this feel like home?That question cracks everything open.Because when you heal the part of you that learned love through instability, toxicity loses its grip.It stops being exciting. It stops being magnetic. It stops feeling like chemistry.And what replaces it isn’t boring — it’s safe, steady, and real.<h3>How to start breaking the cycle (for real)&nbsp;</h3>Not affirmations. Not manifesting. Actual work.1. Call the pattern what it is Not “a deep connection.” Not “bad timing.” A pattern.2. Track how your body feels — not your fantasies If your attraction comes with anxiety, hyper-fixation, or self-doubt, that’s data.3. Stop mistaking calm for lack of chemistry Calm is your nervous system learning a new language.4. Get curious about your first blueprint for love Who did you have to chase? Who was emotionally unavailable? Who taught you to work for connection?5. Choose discomfort over dysfunction Healing doesn’t feel sexy at first. But neither does repeating the same heartbreak forever.<h3>&nbsp; Final truth</h3> You’re not broken. You’re not too much. You’re not incapable of healthy love.You’re just loyal to an old story.And the moment you decide to stop romanticizing toxicity, everything changes.Not overnight. But permanently.It’s all unfolding perfectly.&nbsp;If you saw yourself in this, take that seriously.Awareness is the first crack in the cycle — but healing is what actually changes who you’re attracted to.If you want support untangling old attachment patterns, calming your nervous system, and learning what healthy connection actually feels like, I can help.👉 <a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/">Learn more about working together and start choosing from a regulated, grounded place.</a> &nbsp;<h3> &nbsp;</h3> &nbsp; &nbsp;

Addicted to Toxicity: When Chaos Feels Like Love

There’s a moment we’ve all had — standing over a plant, pouring water into dry soil, hoping this time it will come back. Even though, deep down, you already know the truth.The leaves are brittle. The roots are gone. The life isn’t there anymore.And yet… you keep watering.Not because you’re stupid. Not because you don’t see what’s happening. But because you remember what it used to be.This is exactly how so many people treat relationships.<figure id="figure-8tlkwb5ilwmk5r5q31"><iframe id="8tlkwb5ilwmk5r5q31" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/S4MWVi82PoI" class="w-full bg-gray-100 rounded-2xl md:rounded-3xl lg:rounded-4xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen="" data-url="https://youtube.com/shorts/S4MWVi82PoI?si=D8deUgbmBQAkBNTO" data-corners="default" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/S4MWVi82PoI" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9;"></iframe></figure>We keep pouring energy into connections that stopped nourishing us a long time ago. We send the text. We give the benefit of the doubt. We explain ourselves again. We stay available. We wait. We hope. We convince ourselves that if we just show up differently, love harder, communicate better, regulate more, soften more — something will change.But here’s the hard truth no one likes to say out loud: Not everything that once had life is meant to be revived.Some relationships didn’t die because you failed. They died because the season ended.And no amount of watering will resurrect something that no longer has roots.What keeps people stuck isn’t lack of effort — it’s misplaced effort. It’s the nervous system clinging to familiarity. It’s the brain replaying old versions of people instead of responding to who they are now. It’s the hope that closure will come from one more conversation, one more chance, one more explanation.But healing doesn’t come from pouring yourself into empty soil.It comes from noticing where your energy actually goes. It comes from telling the truth — not dramatically, not angrily — just honestly. It comes from asking yourself: Is this alive, or am I keeping it alive in my head?Here’s the thing no one tells you: letting a dead plant go isn’t failure. It’s discernment. It’s wisdom. It’s nervous system maturity. It’s choosing growth over attachment.And when you stop watering what’s dead, something wild happens — you suddenly have energy again. Space. Capacity. Light. You start to notice what is responding to care. What grows when you give it attention. What actually meets you back.So if you’re exhausted right now, ask yourself this gently: Where am I still pouring water out of habit, fear, or memory — instead of truth?You don’t need to burn the garden down. You don’t need to harden your heart. You just need to stop watering what can’t grow anymore.Save your water. There are living things waiting for it.And yes — it’s all unfolding perfectly.Ready to work together? <a data-mce-href="https://jaimecoaches.com/jaime-messina----mindset---empowerment-coach--one-on-one-coaching" href="https://jaimecoaches.com/jaime-messina----mindset---empowerment-coach--one-on-one-coaching" data-mce-selected="inline-boundary">Learn more here!</a>

Jaime Coaches

Mindset & Empowerment Blog

As I Think, So I Feel. As I Feel, So I Do. As I Do, So I ...

Winter Slowness vs. Hustle Culture

Staying Calm Without Looking Away

Cold Plunging Isn’t Hardcore — It’s Nervous System Training

Addicted to Toxicity: When Chaos Feels Like Love

Stop Watering Dead Plants