The Grief No One Talks About in Growth
JC
No one mentioned this part when it comes to growth: the grief of leaving old identities behind.
We love to hype up the transformation story—the glow-up, the confidence, the boundaries, the self-love. And sure, those things are awesome. But what about the quiet, uncomfortable grief of letting go of the person you used to be?
Because here’s the truth: even the identities that kept us small once kept us safe. The people-pleaser, the overachiever, the fixer, the one who stayed quiet to keep the peace. At some point, those roles weren’t just habits—they were survival.
So when you grow out of them, when you decide you’re done betraying yourself to make others comfortable, it doesn’t just feel liberating. It also feels like loss.
Why It Hurts to Let Go of Old Identities
- Familiarity feels safe. Even if it wasn’t good for you, it was predictable.
- Others were attached to that version of you. When you change, it shakes up the dynamics—and not everyone claps for your evolution.
- It feels like a death. An old self is gone, and your ego mourns it, even while you’re stepping into freedom.
And that mix of emotions—celebrating who you’re becoming while mourning who you were—isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign you’re doing it for real.
How to Move Through It
- Honor the old you. Thank them. Write them a letter. They got you this far.
- Let yourself feel it. Grief is natural. Pretending it’s only “yay, growth!” bypasses the process.
- Anchor into your values. When the old self calls you back, check: does this align with freedom, peace, joy?
- Trust the in-between. It’s messy before it’s magic. That liminal space is where you’re becoming.
Growth is not just about adding new habits or mindsets—it’s about shedding skins that no longer fit. And every shedding comes with grief.
But here’s the beauty: you don’t have to fear that grief. It means you’re evolving. It means you’re brave enough to let old versions of you rest in peace so that your most alive, expansive self can step forward.
So the next time you feel that mix of sadness and pride, remind yourself: you’re not broken. You’re just becoming.
The only question is—are you willing to keep going, even when growth feels like loss?
If this hits home and you know you’re ready to release those old identities but want someone walking beside you as you do, I’ve got space for one-on-one coaching. Together we’ll reprogram the patterns, regulate the nervous system, and step fully into freedom. Reach out if you’re ready—it’s all unfolding perfectly.